The Power of Shame, and How Brands Could Use It

I’m not a suitcase guy. 100 per cent backpack and carry-on. Same for my husband. Even when he relocated internationally for me, he moved in hand-luggage-only. So impressed.

But we’re the minority. Most of the world, it seems, pulls their life behind them in enormous wheelie suitcases when the holiday season hits. The greatest invention since the wheel for holidaymakers? The wheel. It’s hard to imagine it any other way. But it didn’t take off, at first, this marriage of baggage and wheels. 

In an era when physical strength meant masculinity, men rejected the concept initially. They were seen as an invention for women, or the infirm - an affront to the ego. So men suffered, struggling under the weight of their insecurity until finally wheelie suitcases started to be marketed as the valise of choice for pilots. Only then could men embrace them and stop giving themselves an annual hernia.

When we think of what drives consumers, we often think about what they are proud of.

What do they want to be seen drinking? What label do they want to be seen wearing? What do they want to be parked on their driveway? What do they want to post on social?? What do they want to share?

But how much do we consider the opposite force?

What do they order in a whisper at the bar? What do they change out of before they leave the house? What do they park down the road, rather than outside the venue? What puts them in the silent minority? What makes their finger hover before they post? What do they share only in small private threads?

Shame is powerful. It affects what we don’t buy, where we don’t buy it, and what we don’t recommend.

Where brands could fit in

Take Lovehoney. They did not invent dildos, whips or fluffy handcuffs. What they did was allow people to buy them without having to step foot inside a sex shop and risk bumping into next door. Discreet packaging and online purchases powered its meteoric success. It admirably pushed for sex positivity but if it had started by delivering in boxes labelled SEX TOYS INSIDE years of growth may not have followed so fast.

It is not just consumers. Brands themselves feel shame too. They have their own hang ups. Parts they wish were different. As strategists we are often asked to shift associations or help brands turn up differently. My advice? Resist. The most successful way to tackle a brand’s uncomfortable truth isn’t to go around it, it’s to get into it.

Guinness is slow to pour, but the brand used this sticking point for bar tenders to remind the world that good things come to those who wait. Avis was always number two, but it used its secondary status to reassure customers it would always try harder. Aldi didn’t stock branded goods, so it flattered the savviness of shoppers who weren’t taken in by branding.

Dove wasn’t a supermodel brand so it embraced its audience of real women and set out on a mission to make beauty a source of confidence for all. Imagine if any of these iconic brands had sidestepped their “issues,” rather than lean into them. There is always a power in a brand’s truth, no matter how uncomfortable. It’s our job to find out what that is, not to change it.

During Pride season I don’t personally wander around all month thinking about how proud I am. But I do stop and reflect quite a lot about the opposite of pride - shame. I think about how I let shame rule my life for too long. Choices I made, situations I ended up in, the shitty voice I let live inside my head. And I think it’s a good thing to talk about because it’s not just a gay thing. Or a queer thing. Shame is universal. Yes, we may have a particular flavour to deal with, but shame reaches far beyond gender and sexuality.

Perhaps for you too? Perhaps you never felt smart enough, or too smart? Perhaps you never liked how you sounded or looked? Perhaps you didn’t like where you came from, or where you were going? Perhaps there was a part of you that never felt wanted, needed, or useful? Or loved. Perhaps it was none of these things but when I describe a knotted stomach, hot, burning, prickling cheeks and the stinging in your eyes, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Shame is one of the most powerful forces in the world. For some of us, it makes so many of our decisions, that it simply becomes fate itself.

But shame is not destiny. The cruel joke is that shame is really a weak force. It only lives inside your head, though it pretends to be everywhere. It seems like it will never leave, but it’s only present because you let it in. And although it’s not easy, and it takes many attempts, it will shatter when you learn to wrap your arms around yourself.

This pride month let’s seek out shame wherever it hides. Be it in our brands, in our consumers, or most importantly, in ourselves. Let’s look it hard in the eye and tell it to do one because there’s power in what it encourages us to hide. I promise that success, whatever the KPI, will always follow.

Matt Waksman is Ogilvy UK's head of strategy